Starting today, my pups have to be a priority again. After bringing out the treats and doing a few simple commands aka working them, I was reminded what wonderful dogs they really are.  I was reminded quickly how smart Piper is, yet very defiant…in a cute-only-a-mother-could-love sorta way.  I remembered that JJ only wants to please me. She’s simple.  And Lukas, just wants to be loved and played with.  They’re not that difficult to manage.  As a family, we all need to see the beauty in our wonderful dogs again and give them the time and attention we vowed when we rescued them. 

I love my dogs!

Year 3
The kids still treat the pool like it was new, but wife & I wait until the water temperature is over 82 before swimming. Wow, I didn’t realize it was so hard to keep the chlorine levels balanced in the blazing AZ sun. Broken umbrella? How did the tile get so corroded so fast? WHAT? $450 for new filters!?!? I hate my pool.

Years 4-5
Ugh! Seems like I spend a lot for a few months of use. I’m putting in a pool heater so I can at least use it 10 months of the year. Oooh it’s like a giant hot tub. Let’s put the kids to bed and invite our friends over for moonlight swimming! I love my pool!

Years 6-7
I am on my 3rd set $450 filters and installed a $575 replacement salt cell. F’ing algae!  I’ve given up trying to keep the tile clean. Why does the waterfall look like a cavern forming stalagmites? Is that a hunk of the pool wall surface that fell off? I swam in it less than 3 times last summer because I felt I had to be doing maintenance on it instead of enjoying it. I hate my pool!

Year 8
I miss having an awesome pool. I’m investing $10K in my backyard to have the entertainment venue I used to have. I want to love my pool again!

• Neighbors still hate our dogs, and we still like our dogs more than our neighbors.
• We still get annoyed by living in Disturbia, but we aren’t ready to give up the better schools and access to many things we take for granted.
• Crime, greed, knowing which neighbors are cheating, busy kids, fair weather friends, traffic, finances, pets, busy lives… it’s all about the same.

So… I’ll make a deal with all of you. You respond more to my posts, and I’ll post more. Deal?

Our 8th grader on the other hand has decided to make this year his best yet.  He is planning on trying out for the basketball team, baseball team, obtain better grades (if not A’s) and be in the school musical for the 3rd year.  You could also say he wants to have stud status since he likes having a ‘girlfriend’ which means, he texts her and can change his Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’. Way to go son!  I’ve already received a call from one of his disturbia teachers. The conversation was a bit like this:

T: Mrs. ****

M: Yes.

T: I’m calling you to discuss ****

M: OK

T: Do you know what a few of the boys were doing over the weekend?

M: Uh, well, yeah….but I guess not. What have they been doing?

T: It appears a few of the boys have been lighting themselves on fire by spraying Axe on their skin.

M: Oh yeah. (pause) I know. **** was very proud & showed me. It looked pretty cool.

T: (light gasp) So you know about this??

M: Yeah. He asked me if he could do it and was very persistent. I finally told him ‘ok’ he had to do it in front of me.

(Can you say white trash? “Hey mom, watch this!” sort of thing)

T: I think you should know one of the students has an infection and missed school yesterday.

M: Oh, Ok. Yeah, I know him.

T: This is a serious matter, Mrs. *****. Kids are getting hurt. He had an infection and had to miss school!

M: Ok.

(I got the feeling she doesn’t know what to say at this point.)

T: Do you watch Dr. Phil?

(What?!)

M: I know who he is and I’ve seen a few episodes. Why?

T: I think you and your family should watch him today. I feel you would benefit from him.

M: Ok, why? What is he having on his show today?

T: Dr. Phil is having a discussion about children lighting themselves on fire.

M: Ok, I will look into it.

Are you kidding me???  I’m sorry the boy got hurt, but guess what, he is my son’s best friend and I already spoke to his mom. She was there when my son showed us. What the teacher doesn’t realize is for my son, it’s a magic trick, not ’setting himself on fire’. We are talking about the boy who had a quarter removed from his esophagus when he was 10yrs old for attempting a ‘trick’. My friend was initially upset but now gets a kick out of the situation as she said it best “He’s such a dumb ass”.  

I did the typical mom thing.  I called my 13yr old and cursed at him for making me look bad.  He finally understood I wasn’t upset with him for doing the ‘trick’ but for discussing it at school. I informed him he cannot tell everyone the shit I let them do since many disturbia folks would call CPS on my ass. Trust me, I would have a field day with CPS.

After discussing this with a few people (my rural living sister included), I question if this is really a teacher’s duty? I think it’s a fine line. The ‘dumb ass’ act didn’t occur on school campus or during school hours. Ms. Disturbia Teacher, save your breathe for the incompetent parent or the truly abused child who needs you to step in.

Days 1-2 – The Drive

Karen spends 2 grueling days driving long hours to get to KY as fast as is possible with 2 kids and large dogs.  During the drive out, there is a 50% chance of a getting a speeding ticket.  The highlights of the drive will include a photo of the youngest boy, Seth, with a dog asleep on his lap in the backseat and a story of how Shade got multiple semi’s to honk by giving the “honk your horn” gesture to the drivers.

Days 3-5 – The Joy of KY

For the first few days, everything is wonderful. The dogs are having fun running on the farm. The kids are enjoying the free range as well.  Basically, everyone is enjoying being loud, obnoxious, and generally free of neighbors 20 yards away behind the block wall.  There will be a couple complaints about family, but it is generally laughed off as no big deal.  We have a couple broken phone calls due to poor mobile phone service at the family farm, and the text messages are related to missing each other and wishing I had gone to KY with them.

Days 6-7 – This Got Old Quick

Just as Ben Franklin said, “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”  In this case, Karen, the kids, and the dogs are the stinky visitors.  During these days, politeness begins to break down, and Karen has an intoxicated moment of honesty where she realizes how much she really doesn’t enjoy the small town atmosphere.  She decides to just deal with everyone as best as possible because the kids are having such a great time.

Days 8-12 – Venture Out

In this middle part of the vacation, Karen focuses on getting off the farm to visit places she has missed such as King’s Island, Newport on the Levee, the baseball park, etc.  Also, Karen usually finds at least a couple different people to go out drinking with her (so she doesn’t have to drive). At least one of the drinking buddies will be someone she hasn’t been out with since high school or someone she met on-line.

Days 13-16 – Coming Out of Turn Four

By this time, Karen is very ready to return to Disturbia, Shade is bored with the farm, and Piper has bitten more than 3 family members or pets.  Karen’s family shows signs of fatigue trying to keep up with her, Shade, Seth, & the dogs.

Days 17-19 – The Return to Home Stretch

Karen has planned her departure details, ranted about family members via text messages, and got on-line to tweet or chat for the purpose of making fun of people that she used to go to high school with that are now big losers.  Shade has packed for the return trip, and Seth wants to move to KY. Seth has also slept in Karen’s bed every night even though he was too old for that 3 years ago.

Days 20-21 – Fast Drive Home

Karen sets out with the idea of taking a more leisure drive home, but she ends up making the trip back in 28 hours of driving over 2 days.  If she didn’t get a speeding ticket on the way out, there is a 100% chance she will get one on the way back.  Otherwise, it is a 50% chance of getting a ticket.

• You do not need a lifted 4×4 if off-road means driving up on the curb at your kid’s elementary school.

• You do not need a truck if you’ve never put anything into the bed for fear of scratching the paint

• You do not need a motorcycle if you only get it out for the annual bike week parties.

• You do not need a lawnmower if you hire an illegal immigrant to do your yard work.

• You do not need a mountain bike if venture no further than grass in the greenbelt behind your home.

For Cinco de Mayo, there was a great celebration at

Karen grabbed her bikini for the return to Loco Patron, and then volunteered for the dunk tank.  Given her condition, we can call it a drunk tank. Whatever we call it, she made $50 in 10 minutes ($1/throw), and they let her keep all of it… which covered our expenses for the night! You rock, Karen!

I also ran into several friends that also made me feel “not too old” to be there.  I think I am older than all of them, but having friends there made me feel like I did belong.  Final thought… I’m not too old for the Suburban Festival Concert. After all, if Danzig is one of the acts, there are probably many people older than me at the show.

Here are some photos from the event:

Tomorrow my sexy wife and I are going to an all-day festival concert called UFest hosted by a local radio station,

I’ll be tweeting during the event until my battery dies. Hope I can find a place in the VIP area to charge my phone.  If not, I think I’ll take a small notepad to keep track of my observations and what I overheard so I can blog about it later.