Wednesday, January 19, 2011 by Dana.

Years 1-2
I love my pool! My family loves the pool. We spend nearly every waking moment in it after work/school. We drink in it, eat next to it, and pee behind it. We invite friends over several times per week and volunteer to host every party for the kid’s sports teams. We love sending pics of splashing in the pool to our relatives in rural KY. I love my pool!

Year 3
The kids still treat the pool like it was new, but wife & I wait until the water temperature is over 82 before swimming. Wow, I didn’t realize it was so hard to keep the chlorine levels balanced in the blazing AZ sun. Broken umbrella? How did the tile get so corroded so fast? WHAT? $450 for new filters!?!? I hate my pool.

Years 4-5
Ugh! Seems like I spend a lot for a few months of use. I’m putting in a pool heater so I can at least use it 10 months of the year. Oooh it’s like a giant hot tub. Let’s put the kids to bed and invite our friends over for moonlight swimming! I love my pool!

Years 6-7
I am on my 3rd set $450 filters and installed a $575 replacement salt cell. F’ing algae!  I’ve given up trying to keep the tile clean. Why does the waterfall look like a cavern forming stalagmites? Is that a hunk of the pool wall surface that fell off? I swam in it less than 3 times last summer because I felt I had to be doing maintenance on it instead of enjoying it. I hate my pool!

Year 8
I miss having an awesome pool. I’m investing $10K in my backyard to have the entertainment venue I used to have. I want to love my pool again!

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Monday, November 15, 2010 by Dana.

I haven’t posted in a while. Why is that? I’m not really sure to be honest. Maybe I’m lazy? Well, I do microblog quite a bit, so maybe it’s a lack of time to think of more than 140 characters of wit.It could be the lack of inspiration…

• Neighbors still hate our dogs, and we still like our dogs more than our neighbors.
• We still get annoyed by living in Disturbia, but we aren’t ready to give up the better schools and access to many things we take for granted.
• Crime, greed, knowing which neighbors are cheating, busy kids, fair weather friends, traffic, finances, pets, busy lives… it’s all about the same.

So… I’ll make a deal with all of you. You respond more to my posts, and I’ll post more. Deal?

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Thursday, August 26, 2010 by karen.

School in disturbia is an entirely different experience than in a rural area. Besides the fact kids walk or are driven to school more than they ride the bus, the teaching techniques are a bit modern. I wish my youngest rode the bus, I think it would be good for him. Isn’t that where we learned most of our social skills, street smarts, etc…? The stuff that only the bus driver would allow? Good times! We’ve had a good start to the year with a 5th grader, 8th grader & 11th grader. No calls on the 5th grader and the 11th grader is finally involved in a physical activity requiring more than just a flick of the wrist….swim team!

Our 8th grader on the other hand has decided to make this year his best yet.  He is planning on trying out for the basketball team, baseball team, obtain better grades (if not A’s) and be in the school musical for the 3rd year.  You could also say he wants to have stud status since he likes having a ‘girlfriend’ which means, he texts her and can change his Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’. Way to go son!  I’ve already received a call from one of his disturbia teachers. The conversation was a bit like this:

T: Mrs. ****

M: Yes.

T: I’m calling you to discuss ****

M: OK

T: Do you know what a few of the boys were doing over the weekend?

M: Uh, well, yeah….but I guess not. What have they been doing?

T: It appears a few of the boys have been lighting themselves on fire by spraying Axe on their skin.

M: Oh yeah. (pause) I know. **** was very proud & showed me. It looked pretty cool.

T: (light gasp) So you know about this??

M: Yeah. He asked me if he could do it and was very persistent. I finally told him ‘ok’ he had to do it in front of me.

(Can you say white trash? “Hey mom, watch this!” sort of thing)

T: I think you should know one of the students has an infection and missed school yesterday.

M: Oh, Ok. Yeah, I know him.

T: This is a serious matter, Mrs. *****. Kids are getting hurt. He had an infection and had to miss school!

M: Ok.

(I got the feeling she doesn’t know what to say at this point.)

T: Do you watch Dr. Phil?

(What?!)

M: I know who he is and I’ve seen a few episodes. Why?

T: I think you and your family should watch him today. I feel you would benefit from him.

M: Ok, why? What is he having on his show today?

T: Dr. Phil is having a discussion about children lighting themselves on fire.

M: Ok, I will look into it.

Are you kidding me???  I’m sorry the boy got hurt, but guess what, he is my son’s best friend and I already spoke to his mom. She was there when my son showed us. What the teacher doesn’t realize is for my son, it’s a magic trick, not ’setting himself on fire’. We are talking about the boy who had a quarter removed from his esophagus when he was 10yrs old for attempting a ‘trick’. My friend was initially upset but now gets a kick out of the situation as she said it best “He’s such a dumb ass”.  

I did the typical mom thing.  I called my 13yr old and cursed at him for making me look bad.  He finally understood I wasn’t upset with him for doing the ‘trick’ but for discussing it at school. I informed him he cannot tell everyone the shit I let them do since many disturbia folks would call CPS on my ass. Trust me, I would have a field day with CPS.

After discussing this with a few people (my rural living sister included), I question if this is really a teacher’s duty? I think it’s a fine line. The ‘dumb ass’ act didn’t occur on school campus or during school hours. Ms. Disturbia Teacher, save your breathe for the incompetent parent or the truly abused child who needs you to step in.

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Sunday, July 4, 2010 by Dana.

My wonderful wife, Karen, is on her (now annual) vacation to KY to visit her family with our 2 younger sons (Shade & Seth) and dogs.  She leaves me in Disturbia to hang out with my oldest son, Tyler.  Now that she has had a few visits, I can give you a basic story line of how her vacation goes before it happens.  This is how it generally works.

Days 1-2 – The Drive

Karen spends 2 grueling days driving long hours to get to KY as fast as is possible with 2 kids and large dogs.  During the drive out, there is a 50% chance of a getting a speeding ticket.  The highlights of the drive will include a photo of the youngest boy, Seth, with a dog asleep on his lap in the backseat and a story of how Shade got multiple semi’s to honk by giving the “honk your horn” gesture to the drivers.

Days 3-5 – The Joy of KY

For the first few days, everything is wonderful. The dogs are having fun running on the farm. The kids are enjoying the free range as well.  Basically, everyone is enjoying being loud, obnoxious, and generally free of neighbors 20 yards away behind the block wall.  There will be a couple complaints about family, but it is generally laughed off as no big deal.  We have a couple broken phone calls due to poor mobile phone service at the family farm, and the text messages are related to missing each other and wishing I had gone to KY with them.

Days 6-7 – This Got Old Quick

Just as Ben Franklin said, “Fish and visitors stink after three days.”  In this case, Karen, the kids, and the dogs are the stinky visitors.  During these days, politeness begins to break down, and Karen has an intoxicated moment of honesty where she realizes how much she really doesn’t enjoy the small town atmosphere.  She decides to just deal with everyone as best as possible because the kids are having such a great time.

Days 8-12 – Venture Out

In this middle part of the vacation, Karen focuses on getting off the farm to visit places she has missed such as King’s Island, Newport on the Levee, the baseball park, etc.  Also, Karen usually finds at least a couple different people to go out drinking with her (so she doesn’t have to drive). At least one of the drinking buddies will be someone she hasn’t been out with since high school or someone she met on-line.

Days 13-16 – Coming Out of Turn Four

By this time, Karen is very ready to return to Disturbia, Shade is bored with the farm, and Piper has bitten more than 3 family members or pets.  Karen’s family shows signs of fatigue trying to keep up with her, Shade, Seth, & the dogs.

Days 17-19 – The Return to Home Stretch

Karen has planned her departure details, ranted about family members via text messages, and got on-line to tweet or chat for the purpose of making fun of people that she used to go to high school with that are now big losers.  Shade has packed for the return trip, and Seth wants to move to KY. Seth has also slept in Karen’s bed every night even though he was too old for that 3 years ago.

Days 20-21 – Fast Drive Home

Karen sets out with the idea of taking a more leisure drive home, but she ends up making the trip back in 28 hours of driving over 2 days.  If she didn’t get a speeding ticket on the way out, there is a 100% chance she will get one on the way back.  Otherwise, it is a 50% chance of getting a ticket.

Posted in parents, vacation, travel, kids, Neighbors, Suburbia, Pets, Disturbed | Print | 1 Comment »

Sunday, May 9, 2010 by Dana.

For Cinco de Mayo, there was a great celebration at Loco Patron in Ahwatukee.  They had a giant inflatable slide and dunk tank for the kids to play in outside while the adults watched the basketball game and/or socialized with Mexican brews and Margaritas.  That was a lot of fun, and we went back for even more fun.

Karen grabbed her bikini for the return to Loco Patron, and then volunteered for the dunk tank.  Given her condition, we can call it a drunk tank. Whatever we call it, she made $50 in 10 minutes ($1/throw), and they let her keep all of it… which covered our expenses for the night! You rock, Karen!

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Monday, March 8, 2010 by karen.

I just heard about a school in Denver that is rejecting a preschooler due to the fact the child has 2 moms.  http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/22769137/detail.html

I understand the catholic religion pretty well and while same-sex relationships are deemed inappropriate along with many other lifestyle choices, it just seems ridiculous.   I attended catholic school for 8yrs and was raised catholic continuing to attend mass into my mid 20’s.  I was married in the catholic church and had my children baptized.  I was also one of 3 sisters to become pregnant before marraige.  We were still accepted into the church and our children were accepted as well.  Even after a divorce, the church accepts you.  I remember attending school with kids who’s parents were divorced or going through a divorce but they were still able to attend the school.  I am confident there are lesbian/gay teachers in this country working at catholic schools but perhaps the demand for quality teachers is so high the church over looks them.  Where do they get off to simply choose who they are going to throw stones at?   I assume divorce is so common that it is simply accepted in the modern church.  How long until same sex marraiges/relationships are allowed in the catholic church?

Lesbian moms, why even bother to enroll your daughter at a catholic school?  You should know better.  Perhaps the education quality is the reason, but there are many other high-priced education facilities for your child to attend where you and she will be accepted. 

Posted in Sex, parents, school, kids | Print | No Comments »

Thursday, March 4, 2010 by karen.

Public school in Disturbia isn’t quite the same as in a rural area.   Modern school, itself isn’t the same as it was 15yrs ago. 

My 4th grader has racked up 24 tardies this year.  Many are to be blamed on myself, however, it shouldn’t be overlooked that regardless of who’s fault, that number is absolutely absurd!  Today would have been #25 but he just stayed home instead.  I believe I was ‘played’ by him.  I understand he didn’t feel well upon waking up most likely due to the abundance of sugar he consumed yesterday.  It has been determined he has a sensitivity to sugar and highly processed foods.  He was up way past his bed time due to having trouble sleeping from the sugar.  Congrats to him for baking the cake on his own and making the frosting from scratch.   Kudos to me for actually having all the ingredients in the kitchen! 

He informed me he wishes to be home-schooled again and questioned why everyone in school is so immature.  I chuckled as he is probably the most immature boy in his class but I quickly learned his view of immaturity is quite different than mine.

In AZ, the schools are required to submit the students to standardized testing known as AIMS.  His scores last year were good.  I want to see what his scores are this year before deciding to home-school again.  I suspect they will not be as good as last year’s.  I am weighing the pros and cons.    

My goal as a parent is to raise my children to be happy, self sufficient and successful in their future whatever that may be.  I do not measure success in dollars. 

Home-schooling isn’t just a way to ‘get by’.  He was learning more last year and retaining it. The AIMS scores proved it.  Home-schooling has a stigma but it is becoming more & more common due to resources making it easier. 

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Wednesday, February 10, 2010 by Dana.

During a business dinner tonight, a co-worker asked how my coaching activities were going.  I was telling him that my middle child was now on 2 teams, having made his 7^th grade team.  I coach his club team, and I was talking about how so many of the boys on our club team had made their school teams.  This was rewarding for me because the club team had been put together specifically to help get the boys ready for their school team tryouts.  My wife then chimed in with “You’ve coached all the boys that  made the school team, right?”.

I paused to think, and then I realized… yes, almost.  In fact, I have coached 12 of the 14 boys, and the other 2 I have coached against.  I also have coached for or against nearly all the 8^th grade boys and the 7^th and 8^th grade teams at neighboring schools.  It gives me a great sense of accomplishment to have been able to see these boys grow and develop in baseball and in life.  Youth baseball coaches don’t get paid, volunteer large amounts of time, and spend money out of their own pockets for gear… and we don’t ask for anything in return. We do it because we want to, and we do it because we like seeing the boys grow and improve because of our contribution.

If you are a youth sports coach, I tip my hat and extend my thanks to you for all that you do.

If you are a parent, let your coach know that he/she is appreciated. It means a lot to us.

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Sunday, February 7, 2010 by Dana.

The day of the big game… As usual, we have several options for watching it, but we choose to stay home.  Why?  A variety of reasons, but having an awesome wide-screen HDTV and surround sound system is NOT one of them.

Instead of discussing why we don’t go elsewhere, let me explain the advantages of staying home (not necessarily in order).

1. The kids are welcome
2. Inexpensive, higher quality food
3. No mark-up on the beer & liquor
4. No line for a clean bathroom
5. No drinking & driving risks
6. The dogs get to be there
7. Comfy couch
8. No tipping required
9. Easier to tweet during the game
10. Unlikely to get drinks spilled on us
11. No waiting for overburdened wait staff (the cooler is next to the couch).
12. No drama with other party guests
13. Kids can go to their own room if they a bored.
14. Screaming loud at the TV will not annoy any strangers
15. Nobody will see how big of a wuss I am when I eat seriously spicy guacamole
16. Added excitement of avoiding a dog attack when you get carried away with your high-fives
17. The ability to switch to an HBO movie if the game gets one-sided
18. We can watch the game wearing whatever we want, which means wife doesn’t have to keep re-applying lip gloss.
19. Pre-game co-ed showers (in the privacy of the master bathroom of course).
20. Half-time cul-de-sac football game!

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Saturday, January 30, 2010 by Dana.

News bulletin… college kids are rowdy, and ASU is more rowdy than most.  Wait… that isn’t really news, is it?  On a particular slow news day, writers form the local PHX Metro rag took a few crime reports related to egg throwing (not cool) and wild parties (the norm?) to make it sound like there was something news-worthy to report… Here is the link, but you will want your 3 minutes back after you read it.

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